disturbance

i realise that i have not posted anything here for a very long time. in fact, i have even considered this as a forgotten land that i had abandoned a long time ago. but something, somewhere always has to pull me out of my hiding and write somethings. in this case, my feelings again. why is it that suddenly in the middle of the day, i will get so emotional? what in the world triggered this? the one thing that hurts me most right now is that she seems to be drifting further and further away. and when i stop and take a look back, i realise that the past few months have been basically, nothing. no improvements. our relationships not getting any better. its just the same as it were many many months ago. and it really really pains my heart to say this but i'm pretty sure that there won't be any happy ending for the both of us. i know i love her very much, but i don't know how she feels. and if she did feel the same, how deep is it? can it outlast our vast differences and personalities. i hate to say this but my brain can think very well and its telling me that i can't end well. and i guess this is why i feel so so down right now...