Sadness and alcohol

I’m really very down right now. No matter how hard I tried, whatever I did, I still feel so sad. I feel like the world is so dark right now. The whole day, I went through without laughing and smiling. It feels like my world is ending.
People find it stupid to drink to forget their worries. Because it doesn’t take away their worries, it doesn’t give them solutions, it is just procrastination of their problems. And my question is: Have you ever felt so sad and down that it takes away all that you feel?
It is the same argument as in quitting smoking. People always ask you to quit smoking because it is bad. To this, smokers ask, “Have you tried to stop smoking before? If you haven’t, then don’t try to understand what I am going through.”
So, have you ever felt so sad and heartbroken? So sad that you cannot feel anything else because of a slumping feeling in your heart? I have. And when times like this, I can’t sleep, I can’t smile, I can’t concentrate on anything. Even if there is a car going towards me, I wouldn’t be able to dodge it.
The only way I can get some rest, to forger what is happening to me, is to drink. Drinking makes you drunk, makes you wasted, makes you do stupid things. But there is one particular reason why I drink. Because my brain shuts down and I get sleepy. I won’t think more of the worries and sadness I feel because frankly, there is nothing else I can do anymore. The more I think about it, the sadder I become. So let me just get drunk and pass out.
Why do you think people drink when they are sad? To release tension? To do stupid things? I am not stupid. I know that my problems won’t go away. But I also know that no matter how hard I try, I won’t be able to sleep, I won’t be able to concentrate and I will end up sleepless the whole night not doing anything but feel sad and cry. I’m not stupid to not know that it is bad for my health. But I don’t see much upside to my life now.
So the next time you tell me to not drink, let me ask you this: Have you gone through what I have?

chris down the rabbit hole

i don't understand why things just changed so much recently. i'm so tired and sad and disappointed. i don't know what more i can do. things that weren't a problem in the past is now suddenly a problem. how can things change so drastically over the past few weeks? im so tired. i'm so tired of crying so many times already. i'm tired of banging my head against the wall. i'm tired of cutting myself. i'm so tired. why has everything changed so much now?

overwhelming sadness

i feel so shitty and useless. i can't stop the tears from flowing. i'm so useless...

useless

i feel like such an ass. maybe because i am one. i feel so useless. fong, you're helpless, useless and damn, shit is worth much more than you are. i hate myself. i hate myself so much to keep on making mistakes, even though i promised myself i won't make them anymore. i am so useless. i hurt her all the time. i don't want to but somehow, i always act stupidly. why am i so useless!!!??? I AM SO USELESS...

Amagami ss

Yea. Its a new anime that i'm watching. But it really gets me down sometimes. Its just that it is a romantic anime and seriously, i don't need that. It makes me sad when i think about my own life. When i think about how perfect that guy in that anime had it. Why can't i have the same? it really hurts to watch it and then look at my own life. I'm so pathetic. Every day i wish my life would be like a perfect romantic story and everything would be smooth and great. I'm not sure how far reality is from my expectations. Maybe lignt years away. Recently, i've become more and more depressed. Somethings happened lately that really just leave me speechless. I find myself unable to sleep at night. I mean seriously? is my life not fucked up already? what more can life throw at me to make it worse? i'm really down all the time. And nothing to cheer me up. Every day i dread waking up to see my bullshit life. Why can't i have moments of happiness? is it so hard for me to get that beautiful perfect romantic story told in stories? why cant i obtain happiness? for a long time now, i havn't had any great things to look forward to. My life is as fucked up as always and i just trudge forward everyday hoping that the very next day, things will be different. So please, let my life be more smooth. Give me something to look forward to. Something that won't make me feel so depressed all the time.

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