Amagami ss

Yea. Its a new anime that i'm watching. But it really gets me down sometimes. Its just that it is a romantic anime and seriously, i don't need that. It makes me sad when i think about my own life. When i think about how perfect that guy in that anime had it. Why can't i have the same? it really hurts to watch it and then look at my own life. I'm so pathetic. Every day i wish my life would be like a perfect romantic story and everything would be smooth and great. I'm not sure how far reality is from my expectations. Maybe lignt years away. Recently, i've become more and more depressed. Somethings happened lately that really just leave me speechless. I find myself unable to sleep at night. I mean seriously? is my life not fucked up already? what more can life throw at me to make it worse? i'm really down all the time. And nothing to cheer me up. Every day i dread waking up to see my bullshit life. Why can't i have moments of happiness? is it so hard for me to get that beautiful perfect romantic story told in stories? why cant i obtain happiness? for a long time now, i havn't had any great things to look forward to. My life is as fucked up as always and i just trudge forward everyday hoping that the very next day, things will be different. So please, let my life be more smooth. Give me something to look forward to. Something that won't make me feel so depressed all the time.

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Test

Just gonna test the effectiveness of android applications

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Out of my coccoon

It's been so long since i last left my room. a week probably. or maybe more. god knows what i do in my room anyway. i'm not sure myself. in fact, i have a feeling that if david were to come to my room one day, he'll find me siting in front of my laptop with long uncombed hair and unshaved beard. hahaha... i've gone through so many animes and tv series that i don't know what to do anymore. maybe i'll just lie in bed the whole day. so now i'm going to make a personal resolution. i'm going to cycle everyday. that is if i'm not too tired from badminton. because suddenly, i don't know wny, i feel conscious of my weight. ok not weight but size. haiz...

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Clueless

right now, i'm so clueless already. i feel sad. i feel hurt. i feel like i have hurt her again. i just don'tknow how to do things right anymore. do i have to hide my feelings whenever i feel sad and down? i should tell her the truth but what if the truth will hurt her? i really don't want to feel this way anymore. i just don't know anymore. i feel just so sad that she might be gone again soon. this time for even longer. the only silver lining that i had was that i will have the summer holidays to spend with her. but now, she might not even be here. how should i feel? but how can i even stop her? i want her to be happy. but the thought of her being away again. how can i not feel hurt? in the end, i guess i have to sacrifice what i feel. so she will be happy. is that it? i don't know how much more i can hold on to. if there are other fishes waiting, why keep on trying to hook this one? i love her so much. but sometimes, i get doubts myself. all i know is that i love her and i will wait for as long as i can.