frust, sometimes

living my life is like living everyday with an itch on your back that you cannot reach. you long to scratch it yet in the end, you have to try and ignore it. and that itch comes from loving her. sometimes, i will feel so frustrated by her, because of the smallest things. sometimes, even the smallest things that she said can make me feel like so uneasy. somethings make me so frustrated. i wanted to clear it out but i can't because i am so worried that it will hurt her or make her angry. so in the end, i lived with that itch for a long time. until it becomes so common that i tend to ignore it. of course, i am speaking figuratively.

a lot of times, i thought of just leaving her behind and finding some other girl who will treat me better. and let's face it. it's not hard, considering how she treats me now. i thought of the ex-flames that i once had and compared her to them. trust me, the differences are vast. but in the end, i remained loving her and only her.

and sometimes too, i wonder who i would choose if suddenly, grace appears and said that she still loves me. then, i will have to decide between the two of them. i wonder who i will choose. after much thinking, and listening to my own heart, i knew. i would still choose her. because of all the things that we had gone through. she understands me a lot and she cares for me a lot. sure grace did too, but it was long ago. things could have changed by now. of course, if i'm hurt by her, i know i will definitely go for grace. but i know that it won't last. that kind of relationship is not based on love. its revenge. so i know... i will choose her over others.