this feeling again

i just thought that i would be so happy now that she is so near to me and we're just getting along fine. but this afternoon i was proved wrong. as i always was. i never thought that my single remark that she should not go to the badminton and should instead stay at home so she can finish her work would cause such a great effect on her. i know she has to rush her work because she's going somewhere on sunday. but i can never comprehend how that remark, which to me is an act of being considerate (because i don't want her to stay up at night to finish it) became an act of discouragement to her. and if she had said that nonchalantly, i would not have minded. but it was with a sense of accusation that i didn't even know what her situation was. and to be honest, i have not felt this hurt for a very very long time. while i was taking a shower (because after that i just explained my position and left) i really was so hurt and to be honest, for the first time, i felt a bit of hatred. and even though she explained herself to me, and apologized to me, and i understood her perfectly well, the hurt lingered for a very long time. even as i type this, which is nearly 5 hours later, i still felt hurt when i thought of her. i don't mean she was wrong or anything. and i already forgave her. but this feeling doesn't just go away so easily. whenever i see her, i would suddenly feel that again. just now, when i was walking to badminton, i saw her. i was just behind her actually. i could have called out to her and asked her to wait for me. but somehow i felt that feeling again. so i didn't. and it felt like all the things that i did all this time was gone. i was just beginning to feel comfortable with her. i mean i can talk with her more casually now, even in front of her friends. but after this afternoon, it seemed like it was back to square one. i guess i was still hurt by the fact that she would be going to watch a football game with patrick. and him only. i mean a guy and a girl? you can't blame me for feeling something there. and not just 1 day, but 3. i know i have a bad memory but i was sure that she didn't tell me before. only last week. i remembered she said she would be missing more classes but she never did say. she said she told only one person. and guess what? it was auni, not me. she told me. of course i felt hurt too. but i know that i have hurt her more than she has hurt me. and i am not angry with her or anything. but this feeling will still be here for some time. i hope by the time we go for winter vacation, it will be gone. i'm not hating her or being angry with her. and i hope that if you're reading this, don't be mad. i'm just saying that i felt very hurt. and i would stick with me for sometime. no other intentions.