broken hearted

i am really so sad and hurt right now. beccause i have decided that i should give up on jaryn. because of one small disagreement. because this time, i refuse to give in and don't want to apologize. and i so hate myself for not doing so. but it is too late, because she hates me to the core right now and i know, she is not the best girl around anyway. i hate her for a number of reasons. but always, i tend to let her good side overshadow her bad side. but somehow, in times like this, her negative side proves superior. i totally understand now why people drink when they are sad and broken hearted. yup, stupid thing to do, but i did that anyway. because i was really sad and hurt, i took quite a lot of shots of vodka. and yeah, i got so dizzy that i couldn't even keep myself walking straight. and i went straight to bed. i just woke up minutes ago, and i don't think the effects are gone, but they have surely weakened. i guess alcohol is going to be my best friend from now on. she used to stop me and prohibit me from taking. but i don't really care anymore.