Day 2

its the second day and once again i think of you every day... what a mess my head is now. but don't worry, because i'm putting up a tough front right now. you wanted me to be cheerful and happy right? well, i am. at least that is what others see me as right now. because deep down inside i'm hurting like hell. even when i'm on my way to this library just now, i saw the full moon and once again my heart is filled with sadness. no, this is not a metaphore. i really mean it. i remembered what it meant to me. maybe it doesn't mean much to you, but it sure meant a lot to me. for the both of us, who are so many thousands of miles apart, the only one view that we can share every night is the moon. and that is why it reminds me so much of you.

i went to a supermarket just now. and instinctively, i grabbed a can of beer, only to realise that i am being stupid. what can a can do? i should drink more. but what de heck? does making youself drunk help? it actually makes you think even more and come up with even more crazy and ridiculous ideas. which can be very harmful. in the end, i put it back.

last night, i had difficulty in sleeping, yesterday was the first night that i did not recieve a text from you wishing me good night. and somehow, without that small thing, i had so much difficulty in sleeping. even at two, i was still wide awake. and the worst thing was, when it is so late at night, when everyone is asleep, when the surrounding is oh so quiet, i tend to think even more. and when i do, i miss you even more. i cried again. because i cannot forgive myself for hurting you. at last, i did sit ups and push ups until my arms and stomach gave in. and in my exhaustion, i finally fell asleep...