somehow, i only noticed today that the time in my windows live is wrong. my mistake... today i'm gonna write very early, coz i'll probably be very busy tonite. so that means that i don't have much to write. somehow, i don't know why, i was moody the whole morning. luckily, by noon, i'm too sleepy to be moody anymore. yup, i slept at 3 again last night. why? because obviously every time i lie down on my bed, i thought of her. and with each passing day, i thought of her even more. you would have thought that i would forget her more as time passes but this is a total opposite.
i tried doing push ups and sit ups again. to make myself tired, so i can fall asleep. but even so, my stomach and arms hurt so much i cant do them anymore. guess, exhaustion wasn't a very good idea after all. in the beggining, i did not wanted to have any contact with her at all. but it seems now that i have no other choice. i was counting on a friend but i think she gave up on me. after all i'm such a useless jerk. not to mention stupid. and idiotic. and a bastard. ok, i think that's enough.
she was oline last night, but no matterr how much i wanted her to know i'm there, no matter how much i wanted to chat with her, i didn't. that was the worst thing ever for me. knowing that she was there, but holding back because i was so afraid she did not wanna chat with me. so afraid that suddenly i might say something that might cause her even more hurt and push her away from me. most of all, i'm so afraid that she is still angry with me. that was probably why i couldn't sleep last night. i miss her so so much... if only she knew....
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