again with the same things

Someone once said that if you don’t hope, you won’t get hurt. Of course, this is usually only said in those really soapy romance stories where someone, usually the main character, suffers a major heartache after he/she is dumped by someone. Of course, friends of mine will also recognize that I say this all the time. Which is why I’m such a big phony. I use this phrase all the time, but when it comes to me, I never follow it. And I always, always end up getting hurt. What is wrong with me? I realised that all these while, I’ve been doing the wrong thing. I’m not going to do the same anymore. I’m not going to hope anymore. Even if it kills me, even if it breaks my relationship with jaryn, I’m not going to hope anymore. I’m done hoping. I’m done getting hurt over small things. I hate myself for being such a hopeless romantic but that is who I am. Which is why I will do whatever I can to not hope anymore. If she really cares, then she will understand this. I don’t really mind it anymore, because deep inside my heart, I don’t think there is anything more that can surprise me. Deep inside, I’ve nearly reached my limit.