Sleeplessness

There is uneasiness in my mind. It has been troubling me since a few days ago. Maybe that’s why I couldn’t sleep at all the last few nights. Even when I could, it took me a very long time to fall asleep. I promised her that I would tell her if there is anything on my mind. And I wanted to do so. But how do you do that if that something that is troubling you is her? She says that she hasn’t changed since the last few weeks. But I really feel that there is something different about her. The last few weeks, she has changed into someone that I really like. Her personality I mean. I just can’t explain it. Some simple gestures like texting me is something to me. And I can really see a difference in the past weeks and now. Is it really me that has changed? Is it because I didn’t care much so therefore it feels like she changed? I don’t know. I really don’t know. My mind itself is dumbfounded this time. All these times, it would have ideas and stuff, but this time, it is really just blank. But what is really troubling me? If what she says is true, that I didn’t care much and therefore felt that she is changing towards what I like, then by all means I shouldn’t care about her. Just leave her to be and don’t care anymore. Because that is what I did. I was really really hurt that last time so I didn’t care about her much anymore. But if she’s wrong, and she really did change, what do I do? Do I still not care about her? Is there any way for it to be like that again? Again I don’t know. My mind is very confused already. What is right and what is wrong? If I think she’s wrong, then it just means that I don’t trust her. Argh!!! My head hurts from all this thinking. And it’s taking a toll on my in my sleeplessness. I’ve had enough troubles already. Why do I need to have this too? I really want us both to get along well but we never could. Why? Why? Why??!!