feeling down

i didn't go to class today, because i was having an emotional breakdown. well, that was too strong a word to use. i just don't feel like going to class anymore. to me, it would be so much better to let us rest up these few days before the exam and let us study by ourselves. our lecturers have done their best and i think that it is only rational that we start studying ourselves. last night, i almost finished studying for my language description. surprise, surprise!!! it wasn't that long anyway. and to think that i was so stressed up because of that. but remembering the things that i have learnt during the exam? now, that's a different thing.

i was kind of sad these few days, because it has been 3 days since i last chatted with her. yes, it is only 3 days after all. but for someone like me, 1 day is already nerve-breaking. what more to say 3 days. i wanted to write this in my other blog, where she can read and know how much i missed her. but she once told me (not so long ago), that i cannot be sad over trivial matters. how can others depend on me if i myself is not strong enough? it strikes deep into my heart. so i have to keep this to myself and never tell her.

a few days ago was my ex's birthday. actually i had totally forgotten and i had no intention to wish her. but i was chatting with her bro, who happens to be my best friend, and he told me so. and i don't know if this is a mistake, but i wished her happy birthday. and the worst thing was, she just broke up with her boyfriend. all of a sudden yesterday, she texted me and said all those weird things about how hurt she is by her boyfriend. god, please don't let her get the wrong idea.

the exam is coming soon, but i don't know if i'm ready enough for it. i mean, i have not studied much. i've only finished with l des. and social studies? barely touched. and it was supposed to one of the hardest subjects in our course. great! i'm so dead. but even if i wanted to study, i can't concentrate much. i kept feeling sad because we havn't talked much these few days. i really hope that today won't be the same. but even if it is, what can i do anyway? all i can do is pretend i'm alright and lament silently...