im getting too carried away

over the past few days, i have gotten too much hope in my heart. i remembered that before this, i do not hope for so much. and because of that, i do not feel as much pain as i do now. when i put so much hope, i realise that i get hurt over small and petty things. and that is the reason why i try to hide things from her. because it will hurt her if i say it out loud. but when i don't, it hurts like hell. i guess this is the price to pay, because in order for her to be happy, i have to sacrifice my feelings. better for me to suffer alone than to tell her and hurt her. it might even result in further arguments. i really don't want that at all.

lately, even though she did chatted with me, i felt sad too. because it wasn't much. when i compare myself with david, i realise that my situation is so much better. but why am i feeling so sad, even though i just didn'tchat with her much? is this how love works?

a long time ago, when i broke up with my first, and when i parted ways with grace, i vowed not to love again. that's two times. but i always do, in the end. as i have now. i am so afraid sometimes, because like in the past, i put so much hope into a girl and in the end, end up getting my heart hurt. our relationship seemed so perfect, little defects. that is the reason why i put in so much hope in the beginning. but i always end up heartbroken. people get traumatised even when their hearts got broken once. how about me? i experienced it twice.

i do feel at times that i should just give up. not because i don't love her. not because it is a one sided love. but because we both seem to have such vast differences in personalities. there are often misunderstandings too. i'm still wondering whether i should hold on now. the one main things that makes me feel this way is her priorities. i never seem to be her priority. and that hurts me very very badly. i just want to give up because of the hurt.